CAST
SAOIRSE RONAN, JAKE ABEL, FRANCES FISHER, BOYD HOLBROOK, WILLIAM HURT, MAX IRONS, DIANE KRUGER

DIRECTED BY
ANDREW NICCOL

After the curse that was the Twilight “saga”, another dreary teen fantasy based on the writings of Stephanie Myers tried to tap into the tween market. Thankfully, many (including its target audience) saw The Host for the dreary, silly, sci-fi fantasy fluff that it is. What’s worse is that it left a bad mark on the respected career of director Andrew Niccol and actress Saoirse Ronan. But really the two should have known better.

CAST
ADAM SANDLER, MARIA BELLO, SALMA HAYEK, KEVIN JAMES, CHRIS ROCK, MAYA RUDOLPH, DAVID SPADE, NICK SWARDSON

DIRECTED BY
DENNIS DUGAN

While the first Grown Ups movie was a passable comedy of the Adam Sandler variety, its sequel exemplifies the very worst of what Happy Madison productions offers: low brow, lazily written, crude natured and poorly acted “comedies”.

Packed with Sandler’s usual troop of comedians who make bad movies (Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade) and talented actresses who deserve better (Salma Hayek, Maria Bello), Grown Ups 2 proves that Sandler is not only the worst movie star working today, but he’s a black hole sucking in much talented actors into an endless, dark pit of career lows.

CAST
LIAM HEMSWORTH, EMBERG DAVITZ, RICHARD DREYFUSS, HARRISON FORD, AMBER HEARD, JULIAN McMAHON, GARY OLDMAN, LUCAS TILL

DIRECTED BY
ROBERT LUKETIC

It’s quite amazing that director Robert Luketic can still draw big name stars to his projects, yet he did just that with Paranoia, a corporate espionage movie where the only thrill is watching the reunion of Air Force One counterpoints Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman.

Sadly there parts are of the supporting variety and they are very poor at that. No, it’s Liam Hemsworth and Amber Heard who lead the way here, young up and comers who do not have an ounce of charisma between them nor enough sex appeal to distract from a bumbling thriller plot that isn’t thrilling in the slightest, and presented in Luketic’s typical impersonal style.

CAST
LEONARDO DICAPRIO, TOBERY MAGUIRE, JASON CLARKE, JOEL EDGERTON, ISLA FISHER, CAREY MULLIGAN

DIRECTED BY
BAZ LUHRMAN

Baz Luhrman’s adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic is a thing of sickly sweet nightmares, with its overabundance of eye candy no doubt to distract from the fact that Luhrman evoked career worst performances from Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan and Tobey Maguire.

Schizophrenic in its period setting (seriously, what the hell is up with the Jay-Z blasting through 1920s town-car scene?) and frustratingly annoying with its repetitive use the phrase “ol’ sport”, this stale piece of bubble gum is especially atrocious for its lack of heart in its love story, and absence of soul in the story of one man’s longing to belong.

CAST
JAI COURTNEY, BRUCE WILLIS, RADIVOJE BUKVIC, COLE HAUSER, SEBASTIAN KOCH, YULIYA SNIGIR

DIRECTED BY
JOHN MOORE

All in all, the Die Hard franchise had not a dud in its arsenal. That was until the atrocity known as A Good Day to Die Hard was released to the masses.

Directed by John Moore (he who brought us the terrible Max Payne), this new adventure in the life of good cop in a bad place John McClane (Bruce Willis) was set in Russia and featured McClane’s son (Jai Courtney). Yet no matter how many explosions, machine gun fire and buddy cop gags are thrown at the camera (and thrown they are frequently and loudly), A Good Day to Die Hard cannot raise pulses.

Especially that of its star Willis, who is near comatose in his fifth revival as everyone’s favourite wise cracking cop, now turned into a wincing sap.

CAST
ETHAN HAWKE, SELENA GOMEZ, JON VOIGHT

DIRECTED BY
COURTNEY SOLOMON

This big introduction into action territory by After Dark Films founder Courtney Solomon proves that he should stick to horror.

It’s clear what Solomon and screenwriters Sean Finegan and Gregg Maxwell Parker were going for: a blend of Drive, Taken and Phone Booth (three immensely better films). Yet even with the usual steady presence of Ethan Hawke in the driver seat, Getaway can’t outrun the fact that it’s a dud of an action movie, with a plot so ludicrous and without purpose that crashing through a windshield would bring better entertainment value.

Complete with Selma Gomez as the most annoying carjacker to disgrace the screen and one too many shots of Jon Voight licking his lips (yuck!), Getaway serves more as a warning than or unoriginal movie title.   

CAST
ROBERT DE NIRO, TOPHER GRACE, KATHERINE HEIGL, DIANE KEATON, SUSAN SARANON, AMANDA SEYFRIED, ROBIN WILLIAMS

DIRECTED BY
JUSTON ZANWICK

How many Oscar winners does it take to headline a horrendous rom-com? In the case of The Big Wedding that answer is four, with Robert De Niro, Diane Keaton, Susan Sarandon and Robin Williams all watching their stock plummet even further after starring in this dreck of a movie.

It’s not enough that this Justin Zanwick written and directed remake is achingly unfunny, horrendously idiotic and insultingly anti-Catholic. But that it can take four actors whose work once stood for something and have them deliver such painfully bad performances, exemplifies the state of not only mainstream comedies in Hollywood, but the roles offered to our legends.

CAST
HALLE BERRY, GERARD BUTLER, RICHARD GERE, HUGH JACKMAN, EMMA STONE, UMA THURMAN, NAOMI WATTS, KATE WINSLET

DIRECTED BY
VARIOUS

Someone, somewhere, must have criminalising evidence on Hollywood’s biggest stars. How else could the likes of Hugh Jackman, Richard Gere, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts (and numerous others) be convinced to star in of the worst comedies to disgrace the screen, Movie 43.

Comprised of several vignettes ranging from the silly to the mouth-a-gap obscene, Movie 43 lasts 94 minutes and evokes little to know laughs, plenty of sighs and the occasional up-chuck reflex.

Then again, if the sight of Hugh Jackman with testicles on his chin tickles your fancy…

CAST
JADEN SMITH, WILL SMITH, ZOE KRAVITZ, SOPHIE OKONEDO

DIRECTED BY
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN

In the attempt to make young Jaden Smith a superstar much like his father Will, a major stumbling block came in the form of After Earth, the first (and undoubtedly last) collaboration between father and son Smith.

That they chose the embattled M. Night Shyamalan to direct says something about their poor artistic and business sense, the once acclaimed filmmaker bringing his hokey sense of dread to this sci-fi thriller where a cool as ice Alien slaying hero (Will Smith) and his temperamental son (Jaden Smith) must survive an un-inhabitable planet Earth.

Taking on a role devoid of his natural charm, Will Smith lacks that ability to bring audiences onside his cold and detached character. Worse though is young Jaden, who proves to be an unworthy leading man to invest in, with his screen persona irritating at best and theatrics over the m n top. The negative critical acclaim and poor box-office was no doubt heartbreaking for the Smith clan, but even more so for those of us who had to endure the dreck which is After Earth.

CAST
NAOMI WATTS, NAVEEN ANDREWS, CAS ANVAR, GERALDINE JAMES, JULIET STEVENSON

DIRECTED BY
OLIVER HIRSCHBIEGEL

It is a shame, a damn shame actually, that the first bonafide motion picture to tackle the life and myth of Diana, the Princess of Wales could be such a poorly scripted, atrociously acted, bore of a film.

On paper the combination of actress Naomi Watts, director Oliver Hirschbiegel (of Downfall fame) and subject looked like a slam dunk poised for Awards success. Yet the decision to settle on a screenplay by Stephen Jeffreys that’s barely a level above a Mills & Boon novel, and to have said screenplay focus on the little known (and not at all interesting) relationship between Diana and heart surgeon Dr. Hasnat Khan (Naveen Andrews), laid the groundwork for an implosion of a movie that self-destructs with every atrocious line of dialogue uttered and “passionate” emotion over acted.

By the time the inevitable conclusion to this portrait of a princess comes to be, a sigh of relief caps the end to a laborious and unpleasant waste of film.