Sure, the kids are all right, but poor dad has been beaten to a pulp!

In Linda Cholodenko’s riff on the “modern family”, a mans’ worth is his weight in sperm. Here the sperm belongs to Mark Ruffalo, who plays the biological father to children of artificial insemination, birthed by lesbian parents Nic (Annette Bening) and Jules (Julianne Moore).

Their kids are rebellious teens Joni (Mia Warisowska) and Laser (Josh Hutcherson). Curious about who their dad is, they arrange a meeting with Ruffalo’s Terry, a construct of 1970s caricature complete with denim attire and flash motorbike, ala Steve McQueen.

He owns a restaurant, grows his own produce and eats it raw, and is equally ravenous with his women, of which there are many. It is a cliché Cholodenko builds into a strawman and happily sets aflame, seemingly for the solidarity of the sisterhood.

This is a shame, for what could have been a poignant story about children yearning for a father figure, instead segways into several stupefying directions, enough so that had The Kids Are All Right revolved around a heterosexual couple, it would be considered damn near sitcom material.

There is an affair, lesbians watching gay man porn, nosy Mexican gardeners, and male bashing to such a degree that a body a bag was needed to dispose of Ruffalo’s corpse.

Acting is not the films problem. Bening, Moore, and especially Ruffalo deliver fine turns which will no doubt see awards acclaim, but that would probably be more to the films politics rather than its quality.

Applause has been constant for this film’s portrayal of a family headed by two gay women, and how no matter the gender, marriage and family life is hard.

But just like last years’ Precious, this is a film that seems too self conscious with patting itself on the back for its message of the week styling’s. Meanwhile, Ruffalo’s Terry is given the shaft in the name of “progress”, and there is nothing right with that.